Welcome to part two of a longer form discussion rooted in this question:

What if we have the opportunity to live two lives? The one we know currently, and one that a “better version” of us lives. Full of adventure, rooted in purpose and fulfillment, a wild and meaningful life.

Last week we found our inspiration for this discussion in a poem by Robert Service, then asked, how do we end up stuck? (Click here to read Part 1 if you missed it!) Today is a deeper dive into our tendancy to set up residence in our comfort zone.

How do we know if we are trapped in our comfort zone? First, as we identified in Part 1, if our brain is in overdrive, throwing obstacles in front of our progress, or second, if we run into the walls of our comfort zone.

Imagine this: Your comfort zone is like my house—warm, safe, and cozy—and as far as your brain is concerned, outside is the exact opposite—cold, dangerous, and uncomfortable. So, our mind erects walls to keep the danger out. Conveniently, our comfort zone has four walls, making this analogy more poignant.

These 4 walls are:

1. Looking Good 
2. Feeling Good
3. Being Right
4. Staying in Control 

When our decisions are motivated by one of these four walls, our brain works as designed, causing us to stay within our comfort zone, where we are “safe.” 

Though all four walls can drive our behavior, they often reinforce a loop. Let’s break that down. 

Looking Good: We all want to be perceived favorably. We care about what others think and want to present ourselves in the best possible light. This is perfectly natural. However, when the desire to “look good” becomes our primary motivator, it can hinder our growth. We might avoid challenges or new experiences out of fear of failure or judgment. We might prioritize appearances over authenticity, leading to a sense of disconnect from our lives.

Feeling Good: Comfort is enticing. We gravitate towards situations and activities that make us feel good and avoid those that might bring discomfort or emotional distress. While self-care and emotional well-being are essential, constantly seeking comfort can prevent us from stepping outside our comfort zone. It can lead to stagnation and a reluctance to confront challenges necessary for personal growth.

Being Right: Having our beliefs and opinions validated feels good. It reinforces our sense of self and our understanding of the world. But clinging rigidly to the need to be “right” can close us off to new ideas and perspectives. It can lead to defensiveness and an inability to learn from our mistakes. Actual growth often involves questioning our assumptions and being open to the possibility of being wrong.

Staying in Control: A sense of control provides security and predictability. It allows us to navigate the world with a sense of confidence. However, an excessive need for control can become a limiting factor. It can make us resistant to change, afraid to embrace uncertainty, and unwilling to take risks. Life is inherently unpredictable, and learning to adapt and thrive in the face of uncertainty is crucial for personal development.

While seemingly offering protection and security, these four walls can ultimately limit our potential. They can prevent us from experiencing the fullness of life, with all its challenges and rewards. Recognizing these walls and understanding how they influence our decisions is the first step towards breaking free and entering a life of greater purpose and fulfillment.

It’s important to remember that these walls don’t exist in isolation. They often intertwine and reinforce each other. Feeling like we “look good” can boost our confidence and make us “feel good.” This can, in turn, solidify our belief that we are “right” and further enhance our sense of being “in control.” This creates a powerful feedback loop that can make it even harder to break free from the confines of our comfort zone. But by becoming aware of these interconnected walls and actively challenging the beliefs and fears that uphold them, we can begin dismantling the structure holding us back from truly living. 

So, how do we live in a place where we know the appeal of our comfort zone and still decide to step boldly into the unknown? 

We get clear on what staying in our comfort zone will cost us. That is what we will dive into next week!

For now, we encourage you to journal through these questions:

Which of the four walls (Looking Good, Feeling Good, Being Right, Staying in Control) resonates with you most strongly? Describe a specific situation where this wall prevented you from stepping outside your comfort zone.

What is one specific area of your life where you feel stuck in your comfort zone? What is the cost of staying in this comfort zone? What potential rewards await you if you break free?