All growth is change, and goal-setting is the sexiest part, distracting us from what actually trips us up: how we relate to change. It is important to clarify here: this is not a campaign against goals; it is an appeal to place goals in the proper context. There is a process of evaluation and development that precedes identifying a goal, which allows our aim to be rooted in the broader ecosystem of our lives. 

The following is an honest attempt at understanding the process of healthily relating to the goals we set in our lives. 

You Are Here:

I love a mall walk. There is something special to me about meandering through stores, not intending to purchase anything (though that option is always on the table), but simply to wander. I lived in a small town in western Washington for about seven years. One of my monthly highlights was picking up my check from work on a Friday and pointing my car north to the local mall. I would grab lunch at Chipotle, headphones in, engrossed in people watching, feeling close to people but not needing to interact. I had a favorite route through the mall, highlighting the stores I enjoyed exploring. This routine was sacred to me, a perfect mix of introversion and activity. 

Walking through the mall’s doors, I felt like a fish deciding which lure would grab my attention today. There was energy in the possibilities; what would I find that I could not live without today? Would it be a pair of shoes in Footlocker, a pair of definitely too-tight skinny jeans in Zumiez, or a backpacking bag at the newly opened REI?! Whatever it was, one thing was obvious: in acquiring this item, my life would change for the better.  

When Britney and I first started dating, one of our favorite hangouts was the Tacoma Mall. We’d meet there, hands clasped, and wander through every store, lost in our own world. Even today, we love a good mall walk. It takes us back to those early days when we had little money but expensive taste. We’d stroll past Nordstrom, remembering how we’d perfected the art of dodging the overeager sales associates with a casual, ‘Oh, we’re just looking.’ 

One specific mall walk established an important principle for navigating change. 

We were in Scottsdale, Arizona, exploring Scottsdale Fashion Square, which boasts over 200 brands in 1.9 million square feet of shopping glory. As we explored deeper into the mall, turning down different white-tiled arteries of shops to look at what grabbed our attention, we realized we were 1000% lost. In our excitement, we had lost track of the rights and lefts we had taken as we journeyed further into the heart of this giant building. We also had a rental car to return and a flight to catch. We needed out now! As we urgently attempted to retrace our steps, our savior showed up at a kiosk holding a map. Turns out the most crucial detail on the map was a simple phrase…

“YOU ARE HERE.” 

Looking back, that moment felt strangely significant. Even though we were clear on our destination, we needed to first find where we were. Only by figuring out our current location could we find our way forward. 

This presents a greater life truth: We need to know where we are in order to determine where we are going. 

This proves true not only literally but also metaphorically. The impact is evident in situations like malls and road trips, but less so in our lives and how we set goals. 

Understanding where we are at is a necessary first step in goal setting. We must be willing to evaluate our current reality. 

We struggle with this, though. Why? As our first coach, Ronnie, would say, “The truth is often harsh and always fair.” Admitting, never mind accepting, where we are often brings about shame, frustration, or even guilt. Yet, attempting to set goals that are not rooted in our current reality sets us up to struggle with a few key things:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: We might set goals that are too ambitious or simply not feasible given our current resources, skills, or circumstances. This can lead to frustration, disappointment, and a sense of failure.

2. Ineffective Strategies: Without knowing our starting point, developing a realistic plan to achieve our goals is difficult. We might waste time and energy on strategies unsuitable for our current situation.

3. Lack of Motivation: If our goals seem too distant or unattainable, we might lose motivation and give up before making real progress. We might internalize this as imposter syndrome. 

4. Missed Opportunities: By not acknowledging our current strengths and weaknesses, we might miss opportunities to leverage our existing skills or address areas that need improvement.

We can reach this conclusion if we are committed to making progress. The first step is to take the time to understand where you are currently at. Though staring down reality might be uncomfortable initially, it allows us to identify the necessary work to make consistent progress. 

Let’s get practical, how do we evaluate our current reality? We encourage you to assess your current relationship with your life and values. 

Let’s establish why evaluating our values and life simultaneously matters:

1. Our Core Values Provide Context: Our values are part of our life compass, helping us identify what matters most to us and when we might be getting off course. (If you need help identifying your core values, read this BLOG)
2. Alignment Matters: This might be obvious, but goals we set in alignment with our core values provide deeper motivation, accountability, and fulfillment. Whereas goals set out of alignment can lead to feelings of anxiety, conflict, and dissatisfaction. 
3. Honest Assessment: Regularly evaluating our lives in key areas like health, wealth, career, fulfillment, family, and relationships provides a realistic picture of our current situation. It helps us identify areas of strength and areas that need improvement.
4. Identifying Gaps: This evaluation highlights the gaps between our current reality and our desired state. It shows us where we’re thriving and where we’re failing to live true to our values.

So, HOW do we do this? We use a balance wheel. 

Below is a step-by-step guide to utilizing this tool. We will join you on the other side with the next step! 

Step 1: Draw the Wheel

• In your journal, draw a large circle.
• Divide the circle into segments, like slices of a pie. The number of segments will depend on how many core values and life categories you want to assess. A good starting point is 6-8 segments.

Step 2: Label the Spokes

• Each segment represents a “spoke” of your balance wheel.
• Choose the core values and life categories that are most important to you.
• Here are some common examples to get you started:
  • Core Values: Authenticity, Growth, Contribution, Connection, Creativity, Freedom, Security
  • Life Categories: Health, Wealth, Career, Relationships, Personal Growth, Spirituality, Fun & Recreation

Here is an example that we created for you:

Step 3: Rate Your Satisfaction

• Write the number (1-10) next to each spoke label.
• For each spoke, reflect on how satisfied you are with that area of your life right now.
• Use a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “Needs Significant Improvement” and 10 is “Thriving.”
• Be honest with yourself! This is a personal assessment, so there are no right or wrong answers.

Step 4: Connect the Dots

• Starting with any spoke, draw a straight line to the next spoke, connecting the points that represent your satisfaction rating.
• Continue connecting the dots around the circle until you reach the first spoke again.

Step 5: Analyze Your Wheel

• Now, take a look at the shape you’ve created. Is it a reasonably balanced circle, or is it more like a wobbly, irregular shape?
• Balanced Wheel: A relatively even shape suggests balance and satisfaction across different areas of your life.
• Wobbly Wheel: Uneven areas indicate that some aspects of your life might need more attention or focus. The lower the score in a particular area, the more that area may be out of balance.

Step 6: Reflect and Set Goals

• Identify areas for improvement: Which spokes have the lowest scores? These areas might be causing you stress or holding you back from feeling truly fulfilled.
• Connect to your values: How do these areas relate to your core values? Are there any values that you’re not living in alignment with?
• Set goals: Based on your reflection, set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals to improve your satisfaction in the areas that need attention.

Tips for Using the Balance Wheel:

• Be specific with your categories: Instead of just “Relationships,” consider breaking it down into “Romantic Relationships,” “Family Relationships,” and “Friendships.”
• Use different colors: Color-code your spokes to represent different areas of your life (e.g., green for health, blue for career).
• Revisit regularly: Use the balance wheel quarterly or even monthly to track your progress and adjust your goals as needed.
• Don’t aim for perfection: The goal is not to have a perfectly round wheel but to gain awareness of your overall life balance and make conscious choices to improve it.

“We do not learn from experience…we learn from reflecting on experience.” – John Dewey

The What/Why/What Now tool allows us to take what we have identified in the life wheel exercise, reflect on it, and turn it into powerful awareness. This awareness lets us determine where our effort and focus are effectively leveraged.

This tool is a series of three questions we can ask ourselves when we become aware of a potential issue or growth area:

1 – WHAT Did I Realize?

Sure, this feels like a no-brainer first step; the temptation is to write down our first thoughts and move on. Here is the problem: the first pass on awareness is generally surface-level. Our commitment is to get as specific as possible.

Think of it this way: Pain is designed to grab our attention. However, general back pain is not enough information to rush to schedule back surgery. The next move is to schedule time with a physical therapist or doctor to determine the cause of the pain. Then, you can work on a plan for healing appropriate to the injury.

In our lives, the next step from general awareness is to become specific about what is coming to our understanding; that way, we can be specific in our solutions.

2 – WHY Did This Happen?

Let’s keep the injury analogy rolling…If you feel some pain in your back, you go to the PT, and they say you bruised a disc. The next question is to ask why? Is it a wrong movement pattern? Poor posture? Carrying excess weight? Refusing to take multiple trips to bring in the groceries? When we identify the behaviors that contributed to the result, we can build a development plan to remove and replace those maladaptive behaviors. 

Mindset Reframe: This question allows us to work through a powerful reframe. Why this happened is not a moment to wallow in discouragement and frustration. Every struggle is an opportunity if we let it. Life happens FOR me, not to me. It all comes down to the meaning we assign to the events in our lives. Therefore, as a general rule, curiosity in these moments serves us and our growth much better than shame or frustration.

Imagine this scenario: Place 100 people in a room, and approximately 50 of them have experienced a divorce. Now, let’s select two individuals with similar age, income, and other relevant factors, both of whom have gone through a divorce. When we ask them about their experiences with divorce, one might say they feel unwanted, washed up, and believe that their best days are behind them. Meanwhile, the other might convey a sense of freedom from a constraining marriage and excitement about entering a new chapter in life.

Now, the crucial question is: Who is right? The answer is that both perspectives are valid. The first perceived life happening TO them, while the second perceived life happening FOR them. Ultimately, the meaning we assign to the facts in our lives dictates what we see. The power lies in choosing a perspective that serves us and propels us forward.

Reflection Moment: Where is an area where you are convinced life is happening to you instead of for you? What is a new meaning you can assign that would serve you better?

3 – WHAT NOW?

In light of the specific area of improvement I identified and the behaviors that contributed to it, what will I do now? What will I change? What do I need to learn about or get support in? How will this make me better?

Reflection Moment: Utilize the What/Why/What Now tool to evaluate your lowest scoring pillar.

This leads us to our final curiosity tool:

The Right Mountain: Imagine standing at the base of a vast mountain range, each peak representing a different area of your life. 

Clearly defining which goal will impact the most areas of your life is like choosing the tallest peak in the range.

Climbing the tallest mountain requires strategic planning, focused effort, and a clear understanding of the terrain. Similarly, identifying the goal with the most significant impact involves establishing a deep why, clarifying what is necessary to accomplish the goal, and committing to execution.

By selecting a goal with broad-reaching effects, you maximize the positive influence on the most pillars in your life wheel.

Reflection Moment: What area is your highest peak? The area of life setting a specific goal would have the broadest impact.

We are going to be talking about change for awhile, as we will see, in reality we are talking about going on an adventure.

If you are being impacted by this blog, we still have a few seats remaining for our Mastering Consistency Workshop at the end of the month on January 25th in Tacoma, WA. We are going to tackle the concept of goal setting in an intimate group setting. We would love for you to attend!

For more information about the event and to sign up, click HERE.