The Emotions of Change

Two weeks ago, we discussed how change works, profoundly impacting how we set and achieve goals. Another aspect of change I had not understood before was how it felt. Today’s blog attempts to describe the emotional arc of change. As I better understand the emotional aspects of change, I feel less lost!

The Science of Metamorphosis

Let’s discuss butterflies, specifically the process of metamorphosis. First, we will discuss some science and then turn the corner into an analogy.

Metamorphosis is the process by which a caterpillar becomes a moth or butterfly. Though the specifics may differ from species to species, the process has three main stages: larva (caterpillar), pupa (chrysalis is the technical name, but I am going to refer to it as the cacoon), and adult (butterfly).

Caterpillar: Hatched from an egg, the larva’s primary focus is eating and growing. Caterpillars generally go through 4-5 “molts”. Their exoskeleton (think hard skin) becomes too small as the caterpillar grows. The final molt marks the transition into the chrysalis.

Cacoon: In simple terms, the caterpillar’s tissues break down into goo and reorganize into the adult form. This is a complex and fascinating process. All the DNA code necessary for the butterfly stage is already present within the caterpillar, and it is its genetic material that provides the energy and resources required to transform into the butterfly!

Butterfly: The adult stage of the insect, most likely possessing wings, a different mouth and body shape, and coloration. This is the final stage of the insect’s development process.

The Emotional Arc of Change: Embracing the Goo

Remember the cacoon stage, where the caterpillar becomes goo? Yeah, that’s what change often feels like – turning into goo. Just as the caterpillar undergoes a complete transformation, so do we as we navigate periods of change. This process, while often uncomfortable, is essential for all growth. Any type of change feels like a breakdown, turning into goo, and then reformation. The deeper the change, the more intense the emotions as we step through each process. 

Change is the middle ground between what we have been and what we are becoming. It naturally feels like we have lost all firm footing, don’t know what we are doing, and are out of control. It’s the goo. The “goo” “presents itself in various emotions: uncertainty, fear, confusion, and a sense of being lost. It’s the feeling of being in flux, of not quite knowing who we are or where we are going. Feeling messy in life is a good sign you are progressing.

The fact that the caterpillar already has the genetic material it needs to become a butterfly is encouraging. It reminds me that I already have everything I need for the next stage. Everything I have experienced, overcome and learned will fuel my growth, just as the caterpillar’s stored resources fuel its transformation.

When Britney and I first embarked on our business journey, we had a clear vision: to create a gym where individuals starting their fitness journey could find a safe environment to learn about their bodies, develop healthy habits, and receive personalized support. Witnessing our personal transformation positively impact others was incredibly rewarding. While that’s a story for another time, today I want to focus on the messy changes that have driven the growth of AXIOS since we closed our gym.

In April of 2024, we recognized that we had become trapped on a hamster wheel, relentlessly pushing and striving to grow AXIOS. Some mentors offered us gentle corrections regarding this mindset, and after a period of prayer and reflection, we made the decision to pause our activities for the summer. We ceased our social media posts, only accepted work that came our way, and dedicated ourselves to spending quality time in nature, fishing and camping. As summer unfolded, we found ourselves feeling not more clear, but rather uncertain, irresponsible, and genuinely confused. Despite our teachings on the nature of change—how it can be messy, fluid, and transformative—we had not fully embraced the reality that we were navigating our own turbulent season of change. 

We felt like we were missing something (where was the clarity, certainty, and momentum?) and the more we strived to find it, the more elusive it felt. The process of metamorphesis doesn’t force itself and transformation also takes its own time. Turns out the more we fought change, the more afraid of it we became. Around fall of 24′, we stopped fighting and took a massive belly flop into the gooey mess. We learned that embracing the goo is how we free ourselves from it. 

Embracing the Goo: Reframing Our Stories

So how do we embrace the goo? We change our story. Instead of thinking, “This is bad; everything is happening to me, and I hate this,” we can reframe our perspective. For example, instead of “I’m overwhelmed, and I don’t know what to do,” I can think, “This is a challenging time, but I’m learning and growing through it.” Or, instead of “I feel like I’m losing control,” I can think, “I’m in a period of transition, and it’s okay to feel a little lost right now.”

We shift our story to: “This is for me; I’m evolving, and this feeling signifies that I’m moving in the right direction.” This shift in perspective is empowering and transformative. It allows us to embrace the discomfort of change and give it a purpose as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Conclusion

Change is rarely easy and always messy, but by understanding the emotional arc of transformation, we can navigate these periods with greater resilience and self-compassion. Like the caterpillar in its cacoon, we, too, can emerge from periods of growth stronger, wiser, and more beautiful than before.

Embrace the mess, trust the process, and remember that you already have everything you need to keep going!

P.S.

If you are reading this and realizing you’re in the goo we would love to have you join us for our monthly webinar! We host these FOR FREE because we are committed to ensuring you have the tools necessary to create a wild and meaningful life!

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